Urgent Call: 5 Reasons “X Reasons for Y Shit” Patterned Crap should be Eliminated from the Internet Now!
I implore you, pretty much in that tone you adopt, when you’re at the door and you low-pitch-shout your lungs out for your family to open the door because you have to pee, urgently; “STOP WITH X REASONS BEHIND THIS AND THAT, ALREADY!”
Seriousness of matter: Death threat
Request Status: Extremely urgent
How stoned/high am I while writing this: Upside-down-cockroach-after-being-sprayed-high
Reasons: Countless. Major ones mentioned below:
“X reasons for this and that” has become so mainstream even Humanyun Saeed has coasted down to number 2. Hey internet, you can’t take away the only thing Humayun is number 1 at.
Humor is Dying an Excruciating Death:
Our criteria of humor is so ill, it will soon die. And, we are not even decent enough to bury it. We’ll leave it out in the open for vultures to eat on it. Okay, that was too dramatic. But, our failed attempts at humor can be experienced firsthand when such articles are written and read. Humor, for the love of dear God, by no means mean mocking people and cussing in ‘thait Punjabi accent’. We must all take out a minute, bow down to the grave of Moin Akhter and ask for forgiveness.
Spectacular Openings, Wobbly Midways, Monotonous Ends:
Like Karan Johar movies, these posts have MASSIVE openings. The reader reaches halfway and the interest dies down. I’m not really sure what one feels when he reads till the end because even the reader continues till the end or not is still a mystery. If you consider my vote, I certainly, don’t.
Please Stalk Every Celebrity on Twitter & Instagram!
Chant with me girls, “All these hotties and I get NUN. I hope you get the PUN, I hope you get the PUN”.
The girls’ squad has decided to settle down for cats, quite obviously, under my leadership because all these hot celebrities getting girlfriends is all over Twitter and Instagram. And writers find it their sole responsibility to make ‘reasons’ out of the tweets and images of every celebrity who ever lived.
Stuffing of Junk When One Runs out of Actual Reasons:
Exactly like what I am doing at the moment, writers stuff these articles with unimportant crap, usually towards the end, that is nowhere near important or relevant to the topic. Let’s face it: turd is turd and it can’t be eliminated from our lives.